More Waiting…

Father God enough with the waiting already..

I’m going to be honest with you. This season of waiting is not being kind to me.. not in the slightest… Lord and if the tables haven’t turned on me in the last 7 days, I’m not sure what else was happening.

Those who follow know I’m single. And you’ve probably established that I’m trying to raise two young boys. The eldest has approached that pre-teen age and I’m again going to be honest.. this male-pre-teen thing is noooo joke! Sis, Bro, Mam, SIR.. I’ve no clue what version of human will emerge from his room each morning.. I’ve got to learn a whole new language “mumble”.. and like me he has no tolerance for repeating himself, but my boy does not know that I don’t speak mumble.. Any tutors in the house.. come find me please..! An off tangent entrance into my post, but just to add to the waiting, I’m being forced to navigate this new man child of mines… Father help me!

Anyway. I say that to say this.. I need help.

I often talk to God – indirectly about my marital position and how it impacts my sons as a plea to getting Him to send me some help. I was raised in a house of females. The only male I had was my grandfather and he is currently in a home with Vascular Dementia and so isn’t in a position to mentor or show them “man”.. I clearly have no clue what it means to be a “man” and so I look to God and ask him to please send me some help in raising these two boys.

I have a fear of them learning how to deal and navigate life from me – a highly emotional female. And as a result of my fears I know I have a tendency to be emotionally neutral even cold just so they don’t think that bursting into tears is the correct way to react to everything. Wrong, right, in-between.. I don’t really know. But I genuinely, at times, have no clue what else I am supposed to do. I also do not want them growing up thinking that this way of life – single mother blah blah blah is normal or what they should expect from life. I honestly feel that children are both products of what they are told and what they see. It’s harder for you to recreate something you have no knowledge of, and I am desperate to correct their version of “normal”..

In the midst of all these thoughts and feelings – this weekend I have been literally bombarded with message after message about “waiting”… You know when God is trying to tell you something and it seems like every message, every scripture eeeeeeeeeerrrrrbody is talking about Waiting.. And not just waiting – waiting well.

Sunday – Pastor skimmed past a scripture in part of his sermon. Numbers 9:15-23.

This scripture talks of the activity and inactivity of the pillar of fire by night and the cloud by day that was with the Children of Israel. This pillar/cloud was their Sat-Nav. When it moved, they moved. When it stopped, they stopped. The scripture expounded on this for us going into different spans of time. If it stopped for a day, they stopped for a day. A month, then a month it was. If it was a year, then they were still… no movement.. no journeying for a year. If the pillar/cloud didn’t move – neither did they. Verse 20: when the cloud was still for a few days, according to the commandment of the Lord they rested in their tents and didn’t move. The stillness – the no movement was a commandment, a strict instruction not to move..

We are talking about the Omniscient God – All knowing

Towards the end of Exodus they were told where they were going. Into a promise land. A promise made many… many… maaaaanny years ago – but this was all they had to hinge their obedience on. The fact that God said we were – He alone knows the way – so whatever and wherever – we are sold to it. Psalm 119:49-50 shares this feeling.

49 Remember your word to your servant,
    for you have given me hope.
 50 My comfort in my suffering is this:
    Your promise preserves my life

All I have is the promises that He made to me some four years ago now that I would marry. I was so concerned about getting this message I received correct that I went to a Prophetess, two pastors and a deaconess juuuuust to make sure I had heard clearly. And at the time.. I was excited  – thinking it was now.. and with the man I was in. And here I am.. four years later from that day.. Talking to you not only unmarried – but full on single..{Insert straight face – blinking}.. I can imagine the Children of Israel thinking the same thing.. “um.. wasn’t we supposed to be going somewhere ..all now” {re-insert straight face – blinking}..

But they were set on the promise – and that is all they had to go on. Their obedience was set and rooted in the promise made to them by the all knowing God. And sis, bro, Mam.. SIR … that is ALL we have at times – what He told us He would do, however long ago it was. His word will not and can not return to Him void – (Isiah 55:11). He’s not a man that He should lie (Num 23:19). That’s all we have to run on.. -The fact that He said it.

So after you’ve come to yourself.. however long that takes.. You’ll find comfort in the facts of the matter.. You will.. Promise

Much love lovelies ..

The Power in Perspective. Pt 1

Proverbs 23:7 “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he…”

There is something very powerful, life changing and transformative about the way we think. The scripture does not suggest that there is something external to the man that dictates what he does, and who he is, however it is dependant on the very content of his own mind. This scripture is so powerful because it rightly proportions the right and the power of your actions back into your own hands.

Now, for some, this isn’t good news. Why, you may ask. Why wouldn’t someone like to hear that they have the ability to control the outcome? Because truth be told, some just enjoy being how they are and the way they are  – it’s uncomfortably comfortable. Because it means that I have to be, and am fully accountable for me. For some this is bad news. No, seriously – this is horrible for some people. The fact that they are no longer able to blame someone and or something external to them for the way they are is a full on party pooper of a statement for them. They say ignorance is bliss.. not anymore baby.. not any more!

For some it’s simply easier to have someone else to blame for the way we are now. And believe me when I say I am not suggesting that we are totally abstract and unconnected from our experiences – but what I am suggesting is that at some point we have to take responsibility for what happens now.

Psychology would suggest that the person we are today is made up of various things. One of those things are what we think of ourselves – our own perception of who we are. Another is made up of what others have told us and we have adopted to be truth (whether it be actual truth or not). Another is based on what has happened to us that has shaped parts of our personality – learnt behaviours, coping mechanisms, phobias etc. So I fully acknowledge that external things have an impact on what we do and who we are… however.. I am suggesting that at some point we have the power to rewrite the future based on our choice of perception.

At some point we have to become responsible for who we are. At some point we can no longer blame the upbringing, the parents, the education, the church, the friends or the lack there of – at some point you have to become responsible for telling the rest of the story.

As a man thinks – he is. The responsibility is on you. Nothing external. You.

I know hardly warm and fluffy like a fresh batch of Cinnabons.. (if you don’t know what that looks, taste or smells like..Chilllllle.. where you beeennn..? go google it now..I’ll wait).. but medicinal and good for you.

So what exactly is perspective:

noun
1.
the art of representing three-dimensional objects on a two-dimensional surface so as to give the right impression of their height, width, depth, and position in relation to each other.
“the theory and practice of perspective”
2.
a particular attitude towards or way of regarding something; a point of view.
“most guidebook history is written from the editor’s perspective”

 

I love the first one. The Art.. perspective is an art-form indeed. Three-dimensional objects on two-dimensional surface so as to – watch this – give the right impression. Which would suggest that there is a possibility to have the wrong impression. The second meaning looks at attitude and holding a particular point of view. Ultimately it is the art of of altering ones view or how something is seen. Which would suggest there is and can be another way…

1 Corinthians 13:11 “When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things”

The putting way of childish things wasn’t the making of the adult. By that I mean the writer didn’t say he became a man because he put away childish things. It suggests the impression of the need to put away childish things came when he became a man. Again it was a person responsibility and reaction. Just because time lapsed and I became an adult did childish things automatically disappear? Nope. I – You – We need t make the choice to put them away. We have got to change perspective.

Perspective changes responses – How?

2 Kings 6: 15-17 “15 When the servant of the man of God got up and went out early the next morning, an army with horses and chariots had surrounded the city. “Oh no, my lord! What shall we do?” the servant asked. 16 “Don’t be afraid,” the prophet answered. “Those who are with us are more than those who are with them.” 17 And Elisha prayed, “Open his eyes, Lord, so that he may see.” Then the Lord opened the servant’s eyes, and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha”

The passage shows two men in the same situation – with different perspectives – results in two different reactions. Both polar opposites. The servant – being surrounded by chariots and horses of the enemy he was scared, fear took him. Elisha wasn’t afraid of what was happening around him, so his reaction to it was different, and he knew exactly what his servant needed to see – what perspective of the situation he needed to have that would alter his reaction to a very real situation they were in. The prophet asked God to open the man’s eyes so he could see what he could see – the perspective he had – that he had more with him than were against him. His perspective needed changing to change his reaction to the experience.

Your Perspective – Your Choice

Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”

Are you aware you have a choice to you’re thoughts and perspective? Especially if you are person of faith. You have a right and a choice to your perspective. The results of stinking thinking is stinking living. Bad thoughts and negative perceptions will only have you responding in likewise ways. The responsibility to change this is yours. 

My own story – After a breakup from a 6 year narcissistic abusive relationship (I’ll share that story one day), I was a full on mental and emotional mess. After 6 years I was left with PTSD and was verging on Psychosis. My mind and thinking totally battered and shell shocked. Unable to distinguish night from day, light from dark, good from bad and most importantly, truth from lie. Somehow I found myself blaming myself, I was of the opinion that God was against me, and I was no good. That was my perspective. and this radiated in my living. I rejected love from God, adamant I was worthless, unworthy, condemned, judged with a verdict that was far from in my favour. That was my perspective and that was my reaction. As I was thinking – So Was I .

But there came a point where I was simply sick and tired of being mentally sick and tired. I was done with thinking bad, feeling bad and being bad. I was fully fed-up of being a slave to the contents of my own mind. I had to take back the power. I had to stand in the power given to me.

2 Corinthians 10:5 “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

We are told that we have the ability and power to demolish every argument and presentation that is against what God knows and what we know of God. We have the power to put into subjection anything that is distorting our perception. Anything that has presented a false or limited perception. Again, the power has been given to YOU to do it. Hardly the lazy man’s guide to life.. but something I really want you to grasp with both hands. The choice is YOURS. The choice was MINES.. 

I made the choice to change the way I was thinking. I had to – and have continued to make a choice to. I could continue with life on the spin cycle of negative stinking thinking – spinning in pain and frustration and bitterness and hurt. Or, I could change my perspective. Believe me – there was plenty to remain negative about – years of it – but I had to make a choice…

Come back for Part Two where I tell you what I did to get there .. Not a finished work.. but I am better than I was yesterday and for that I am grateful and willing to share..

See you soon lovelies..

 

 

It was the time for love : Spiritual Adoption #1

Now when I passed by thee, and looked upon thee, behold, thy time was the time of love; and I spread my skirt over thee, and covered thy nakedness: yea, I sware unto thee, and entered into a covenant with thee, saith the Lord GOD, and thou becamest mine. Ezekiel 16:8

I’m going to use my hands to pull this scripture apart – think of it like tear and share bread! We are going to eat.. and at the end we are going to sit and let it digest.. !

Jesus is passing this way. The woman at the well was minding her own business unaware of the spiritual drought and deficit in her life. Jesus made the choice, He purpose to pass her way. Knowing that salvation would reach her by none other. He made / fixed an opportunity to pass her way. Knowing not only would salvation come to her that day, but via her testimony others too would receive life, and life

Jesus is passing this way. The woman with the issue of blood had a need. While she was not His intended destination, He was still passing her way. This one took the opportunity to cross paths with Him. She wasn’t looking to interrupt His journey, she didn’t even intend to have a conversation with Him. She just knew that this was her chance. Jesus was passing her way.

Jesus is purposefully passing my way. He sees my condition. He sees my state. He sees the void, the emptiness, the pain, the shame and the embarrassment and He’s passing my way just for me.

Why is he passing my way? Because He knows that I can’t do this thing by myself. He knows that if left to me I would be a write off in a matter of days maybe even hours. He knows that He is the only one that can make all this better. He alone knows how to stop the bleeding just ask the woman with the issue of blood. He alone knows how to call life from death just ask Lazerus.

Jesus is intently passing my way. Ultimately because He loves me. While I have no business here, no right, no inheritance, this makes it all his choice. Knowing the limitations, knowing I’m far from worthy, He is still passing my way because He wants ME. Ultimately He’s already paid the price for me redeeming me back to himself because I am what and who He wants. He is done with the tents and the tabernacles now He wants me. So He is passing my way to come and get me.

He’s passing my way he looked at me “behold thy time was the time of love”. He called time.

He called time, having wondered in my own way, filthy, naked, broken, bleeding He’s taken this all in when He looked at me and decided now was the time for love. Enough of the of being hounded by the past, enough of the hurts, the anxiety and depression, enough was enough, time for love now! He called time.

He called time on the season. While it was good for me to be afflicted that I might learn your statuses, eventually someone has to call time (ask Job). While we all have our limits everyone’s much is different,eventually someone has to call time and say enough is enough now. Boxing comes to mind. Sometimes the contender has been beaten so badly and is now delirious thinking they can go on but there is always someone who can proxy for that irrational state and call time. Sometimes we don’t even know when enough is enough, but He called time.

He called time on the suffering, time on the weeping and brought the morning. He called time on the guilt and  un-forgiveness that worked like acid, painful corrosive destructive  He called time. It was time for love!

It was time for love. Now love is not love till it’s been given away. There wasn’t a dialogue, there was no discussion  no judgement, nothing. The time was a time of love, a time to do and what is it that he did? He made me His.

Divine care, He spread his skirt over me. This was an act of ownership, selecting, choosing, identifying once choice. He put His skirt over me you can ask Ruth how that feels. He took what was used to cover Himself to cover me too. He brought me in, took me under to cover my nakedness. This He did for me. He took his righteousness and covered my nakedness as I had no means or method or way of doing this myself. Revelations 3:17 talks of a people who didn’t even know that they would naked, wretched, poor, but when He came by and looked at us He knew and He also knew that we had no means of covering ourselves so He did this for us. For me.. for you! The act of justification and redemption in one beautiful act. Garments were often used as coverlets, and the act described was therefore, as in Ruth 3:9 the received symbol of a completed marriage. Through this act; He became mine and I became His.

Then He swore unto us, entered into an agreement with us. Now who better to enter into an agreement then with the God who’s words are settled in the heavens, who changes not, and is not a man that He should lie, nor the son of man that he should repent. He makes a long standing agreement with us – enters into a marriage with us, making it clear that we are His.

And Thou Becamest Mine… this hit home with me! Personally I have always struggled with belonging – not feeling that I really belong to someone can be quite troublesome when it comes to relationships, self confidence, self esteem. You hear of teens at various stages of their lives going to “find themselves”.. assuming because they just don’t feel they belong anywhere. But this statement got to the core of me.

After passing by me, after looking at me, after calling my time of love, covering me with his own righteousness, taking me in, making a vow and agreement with me I have now become HIS!

ADOPTION PROCESS COMPLETED 

Beautiful right… Thou becamest mine! say it out loud…. let it digest!

Thou Becamest MINE!