I finally see you

Every day I go through my tube station.. walking roughly around 80mph.. rush hour and all, but I always slow my pace to read the notice board.. today was absolutely transformational, and so on point for me. It simply said:

“its not what you look at, it’s what you see”

My mind was now racing with thoughts of a current struggle I was having being ignored by my Narcissist Ex. If I’m honest, it’s been difficult to share any kind of space with him, and then for him to ignore my existence was leaving me shredded to bits each and every time. I was actually tempted to break no contact and contact him..asking him why he was ignoring me, if I had done something to offend him to the extent that he couldn’t even acknowledge me.. it was and has been torture for me.

But this humble statement echoed in my head and deeper. I realise I was seeing him all wrong. Still delusional to think he was well, and so expecting basic kindness from him. And these expectations were driving my disappointment and my despair..I was seeing this all wrong..

In my thought I wrote the following on my journey home..

What exactly am I seeing when I see you that makes me think I require your acknowledgement? What of you do I see that makes me think you’re kind, well put together, healthy, genuine, whole?

Clearly I’m still delusional to think you are what I thought I saw.

You blinded me with your charm. Coloured my vision with you lies. Captivated all I knew and understood with your mess. And in this I believed you to be true. That’s what I saw. What I thought to be you. But that wasn’t you boo, it wasnt even me.

We were both lost. Neither of us knew our left from our right. Neither of us knew the shade of true love and yet we entered war.. assuming we would win each other over.. I saw my heart and love as enough to save you from yourself.. and you lead me to believe you would and could reciprocate it in excess. Blind leading the blind.. you wasnt what I was looking at, I was seeing what I wanted to see..

But I see you now. I see you. For who you really are. Sick, flawed, unwell, toxic, broken.. I see you. No malicious intent, no roots of bitterness. I’m not turning into a Angry Black Woman over this. When you come to mind I ask God to help you.. that’s all, help. But, in seeing you for you, I am released from expecting, released from requiring, released from disappointments.

It’s really not what you look at, but what you see…

Be encouraged

The Power in Perspective. Pt 1

Proverbs 23:7 “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he…”

There is something very powerful, life changing and transformative about the way we think. The scripture does not suggest that there is something external to the man that dictates what he does, and who he is, however it is dependant on the very content of his own mind. This scripture is so powerful because it rightly proportions the right and the power of your actions back into your own hands.

Now, for some, this isn’t good news. Why, you may ask. Why wouldn’t someone like to hear that they have the ability to control the outcome? Because truth be told, some just enjoy being how they are and the way they are  – it’s uncomfortably comfortable. Because it means that I have to be, and am fully accountable for me. For some this is bad news. No, seriously – this is horrible for some people. The fact that they are no longer able to blame someone and or something external to them for the way they are is a full on party pooper of a statement for them. They say ignorance is bliss.. not anymore baby.. not any more!

For some it’s simply easier to have someone else to blame for the way we are now. And believe me when I say I am not suggesting that we are totally abstract and unconnected from our experiences – but what I am suggesting is that at some point we have to take responsibility for what happens now.

Psychology would suggest that the person we are today is made up of various things. One of those things are what we think of ourselves – our own perception of who we are. Another is made up of what others have told us and we have adopted to be truth (whether it be actual truth or not). Another is based on what has happened to us that has shaped parts of our personality – learnt behaviours, coping mechanisms, phobias etc. So I fully acknowledge that external things have an impact on what we do and who we are… however.. I am suggesting that at some point we have the power to rewrite the future based on our choice of perception.

At some point we have to become responsible for who we are. At some point we can no longer blame the upbringing, the parents, the education, the church, the friends or the lack there of – at some point you have to become responsible for telling the rest of the story.

As a man thinks – he is. The responsibility is on you. Nothing external. You.

I know hardly warm and fluffy like a fresh batch of Cinnabons.. (if you don’t know what that looks, taste or smells like..Chilllllle.. where you beeennn..? go google it now..I’ll wait).. but medicinal and good for you.

So what exactly is perspective:

noun
1.
the art of representing three-dimensional objects on a two-dimensional surface so as to give the right impression of their height, width, depth, and position in relation to each other.
“the theory and practice of perspective”
2.
a particular attitude towards or way of regarding something; a point of view.
“most guidebook history is written from the editor’s perspective”

 

I love the first one. The Art.. perspective is an art-form indeed. Three-dimensional objects on two-dimensional surface so as to – watch this – give the right impression. Which would suggest that there is a possibility to have the wrong impression. The second meaning looks at attitude and holding a particular point of view. Ultimately it is the art of of altering ones view or how something is seen. Which would suggest there is and can be another way…

1 Corinthians 13:11 “When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things”

The putting way of childish things wasn’t the making of the adult. By that I mean the writer didn’t say he became a man because he put away childish things. It suggests the impression of the need to put away childish things came when he became a man. Again it was a person responsibility and reaction. Just because time lapsed and I became an adult did childish things automatically disappear? Nope. I – You – We need t make the choice to put them away. We have got to change perspective.

Perspective changes responses – How?

2 Kings 6: 15-17 “15 When the servant of the man of God got up and went out early the next morning, an army with horses and chariots had surrounded the city. “Oh no, my lord! What shall we do?” the servant asked. 16 “Don’t be afraid,” the prophet answered. “Those who are with us are more than those who are with them.” 17 And Elisha prayed, “Open his eyes, Lord, so that he may see.” Then the Lord opened the servant’s eyes, and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha”

The passage shows two men in the same situation – with different perspectives – results in two different reactions. Both polar opposites. The servant – being surrounded by chariots and horses of the enemy he was scared, fear took him. Elisha wasn’t afraid of what was happening around him, so his reaction to it was different, and he knew exactly what his servant needed to see – what perspective of the situation he needed to have that would alter his reaction to a very real situation they were in. The prophet asked God to open the man’s eyes so he could see what he could see – the perspective he had – that he had more with him than were against him. His perspective needed changing to change his reaction to the experience.

Your Perspective – Your Choice

Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”

Are you aware you have a choice to you’re thoughts and perspective? Especially if you are person of faith. You have a right and a choice to your perspective. The results of stinking thinking is stinking living. Bad thoughts and negative perceptions will only have you responding in likewise ways. The responsibility to change this is yours. 

My own story – After a breakup from a 6 year narcissistic abusive relationship (I’ll share that story one day), I was a full on mental and emotional mess. After 6 years I was left with PTSD and was verging on Psychosis. My mind and thinking totally battered and shell shocked. Unable to distinguish night from day, light from dark, good from bad and most importantly, truth from lie. Somehow I found myself blaming myself, I was of the opinion that God was against me, and I was no good. That was my perspective. and this radiated in my living. I rejected love from God, adamant I was worthless, unworthy, condemned, judged with a verdict that was far from in my favour. That was my perspective and that was my reaction. As I was thinking – So Was I .

But there came a point where I was simply sick and tired of being mentally sick and tired. I was done with thinking bad, feeling bad and being bad. I was fully fed-up of being a slave to the contents of my own mind. I had to take back the power. I had to stand in the power given to me.

2 Corinthians 10:5 “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

We are told that we have the ability and power to demolish every argument and presentation that is against what God knows and what we know of God. We have the power to put into subjection anything that is distorting our perception. Anything that has presented a false or limited perception. Again, the power has been given to YOU to do it. Hardly the lazy man’s guide to life.. but something I really want you to grasp with both hands. The choice is YOURS. The choice was MINES.. 

I made the choice to change the way I was thinking. I had to – and have continued to make a choice to. I could continue with life on the spin cycle of negative stinking thinking – spinning in pain and frustration and bitterness and hurt. Or, I could change my perspective. Believe me – there was plenty to remain negative about – years of it – but I had to make a choice…

Come back for Part Two where I tell you what I did to get there .. Not a finished work.. but I am better than I was yesterday and for that I am grateful and willing to share..

See you soon lovelies..