He’s Acquainted with My Grief : Daddy Knows

So this year has been one of the hardest years I’ve had for some time. In fact it has been a tough could of years, however I am still here. Better for it all. I can say that now – had you asked me a few months a go I probably would have side-eyed you and walked away in a full on stink.. I was hurt. I apologise to anyone who got side-eyed.. My Bad!

In a moment of deep despair and sorrow – feeling a deep sense of rejection, disappointment and betrayal, God sent me words of comfort that no other voice could speak.

I had spoken to a few sisters about the period of life that I was in, and many had offered many kind words. Many encouraged me -some with scripture, some with positive words of affirmation, others just got angry and the cause of my hurt – some seemed more angry than I was… Goodness, I had to calm them down.. like breath sister…breath!  But that’s what you call friends.

But in all honesty, none of it was working. None of it. The hurt I was feeling had sunk deep into the pits and the core of my being a place no one can reach.

The words they were offering – while kind, and true and sweet to the taste – none of it was getting to the real core of my pain. The pain I was feeling was not something I had experienced before. I was feeling more than I would express in words. And nothing adds salt to the wounds than feeling hurt and having no one that you can run to to make it all better. I would tell God.. “you mean I have to sit here, in this, by myself?” It was totally distressing. Utterly mortifying to feel like no one really got the way that I was feeling. And because no one knew how I was feeling – no one could fix it. No one.

I’ve talked previously about how I struggle with abandonment and feelings of being alone. This was all of that and a bag of chips rolled up into one messy blubbering mess. literally – BUT GOD!

I sat at my desk on evening and I heard ; Surely He has bore our griefs. He is fully acquainted with your sorrow…

It was a simple statement. Again, I knew parts of the scripture, but I went to read it in full. Isaiah 53.

I read it once.. and I read it again. And I read it again. This scripture lays out the life of Jesus from an emotional point of view. While he was about doing miracles and preaching an so on – Jesus was still very much human. He came in the form of flesh just so he could associate with how we feel – isn’t that amazing. He did that on purpose – JUST so that in times of grief and sorrow we could turn to him because he knows exactly how we feel.

I read the passage and underlined all the things he had endured – each of them related with me – deeply and genuinely. I read it in a number of translations – and it was literally like reading my present situation point for point. Feelings of being despised, rejected, turned on, avoided, pierce, crushed, oppressed, beaten, tormented, unjustly condemned, struck down, buried like a criminal.. all these things I was feeling and felt that I was totally alone in this – totally alone. But I was wrong. God is fully acquainted with my grief.

I wish I could fully articulate how liberating it felt to know that everything I was feeling – God knew and was acquainted with. So when I cry and say

“Daddy it hurts.. I gave my all and they still hurt me” He says “I know baby, I came to give my life for them and they still beat me half to death.. I know”..

When I cry and say “Lord why..? I cant do this”.. I hear Him say “I know it hurts baby, I know.. I wanted the bitter cup to pass too, I know”..

When those that hurt me walk past me like nothing happened and did noting – and I ask God “why?” – He says “I know.. my own disciples rejected me and swore blind they didn’t know me..I know rejection..I know it well baby”

And its not a sympathetic..there there, never mind.. it’s a ..I’ve been there, I’ve felt that, I’m acquainted with it, I fully feel your pain..

I just wanted to remind someone today OR tell you that you are in no shape or terms alone in your grief. Some heart ache is more that just sadness, its full on grief and sorrow you are feeling. Know that your Father is FULLY acquainted with what it is you feel right now. Nothing you are feeling is strange to Him, noting. All those feelings that are tormenting you and the feelings that tell you that you are doing life in isolation is a lie.. there is someone who has walked this road before and is walking it with you right now.. You’re talking to someone who knows…

Today He says “I know baby.. Daddy knows.. ”

God knows

Isaiah 53 Who has believed our message
    and to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?
He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
    and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
    nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
He was despised and rejected by mankind,
    a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.
Like one from whom people hide their faces
    he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.

Surely he took up our pain
    and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God,
    stricken by him, and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our transgressions,
    he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
    and by his wounds we are healed.
We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
    each of us has turned to our own way;
and the Lord has laid on him
    the iniquity of us all.

He was oppressed and afflicted,
    yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
    and as a sheep before its shearers is silent,
    so he did not open his mouth.
By oppression[a] and judgment he was taken away.
    Yet who of his generation protested?
For he was cut off from the land of the living;
    for the transgression of my people he was punished.[b]
He was assigned a grave with the wicked,
    and with the rich in his death,
though he had done no violence,
    nor was any deceit in his mouth.

10 Yet it was the Lord’s will to crush him and cause him to suffer,
    and though the Lord makes[c] his life an offering for sin,
he will see his offspring and prolong his days,
    and the will of the Lord will prosper in his hand.
11 After he has suffered,
    he will see the light of life[d] and be satisfied[e];
by his knowledge[f] my righteous servant will justify many,
    and he will bear their iniquities.
12 Therefore I will give him a portion among the great,[g]
    and he will divide the spoils with the strong,[h]
because he poured out his life unto death,
    and was numbered with the transgressors.
For he bore the sin of many,
    and made intercession for the transgressors.

 

 

 

It was the time for love : Spiritual Adoption #1

Now when I passed by thee, and looked upon thee, behold, thy time was the time of love; and I spread my skirt over thee, and covered thy nakedness: yea, I sware unto thee, and entered into a covenant with thee, saith the Lord GOD, and thou becamest mine. Ezekiel 16:8

I’m going to use my hands to pull this scripture apart – think of it like tear and share bread! We are going to eat.. and at the end we are going to sit and let it digest.. !

Jesus is passing this way. The woman at the well was minding her own business unaware of the spiritual drought and deficit in her life. Jesus made the choice, He purpose to pass her way. Knowing that salvation would reach her by none other. He made / fixed an opportunity to pass her way. Knowing not only would salvation come to her that day, but via her testimony others too would receive life, and life

Jesus is passing this way. The woman with the issue of blood had a need. While she was not His intended destination, He was still passing her way. This one took the opportunity to cross paths with Him. She wasn’t looking to interrupt His journey, she didn’t even intend to have a conversation with Him. She just knew that this was her chance. Jesus was passing her way.

Jesus is purposefully passing my way. He sees my condition. He sees my state. He sees the void, the emptiness, the pain, the shame and the embarrassment and He’s passing my way just for me.

Why is he passing my way? Because He knows that I can’t do this thing by myself. He knows that if left to me I would be a write off in a matter of days maybe even hours. He knows that He is the only one that can make all this better. He alone knows how to stop the bleeding just ask the woman with the issue of blood. He alone knows how to call life from death just ask Lazerus.

Jesus is intently passing my way. Ultimately because He loves me. While I have no business here, no right, no inheritance, this makes it all his choice. Knowing the limitations, knowing I’m far from worthy, He is still passing my way because He wants ME. Ultimately He’s already paid the price for me redeeming me back to himself because I am what and who He wants. He is done with the tents and the tabernacles now He wants me. So He is passing my way to come and get me.

He’s passing my way he looked at me “behold thy time was the time of love”. He called time.

He called time, having wondered in my own way, filthy, naked, broken, bleeding He’s taken this all in when He looked at me and decided now was the time for love. Enough of the of being hounded by the past, enough of the hurts, the anxiety and depression, enough was enough, time for love now! He called time.

He called time on the season. While it was good for me to be afflicted that I might learn your statuses, eventually someone has to call time (ask Job). While we all have our limits everyone’s much is different,eventually someone has to call time and say enough is enough now. Boxing comes to mind. Sometimes the contender has been beaten so badly and is now delirious thinking they can go on but there is always someone who can proxy for that irrational state and call time. Sometimes we don’t even know when enough is enough, but He called time.

He called time on the suffering, time on the weeping and brought the morning. He called time on the guilt and  un-forgiveness that worked like acid, painful corrosive destructive  He called time. It was time for love!

It was time for love. Now love is not love till it’s been given away. There wasn’t a dialogue, there was no discussion  no judgement, nothing. The time was a time of love, a time to do and what is it that he did? He made me His.

Divine care, He spread his skirt over me. This was an act of ownership, selecting, choosing, identifying once choice. He put His skirt over me you can ask Ruth how that feels. He took what was used to cover Himself to cover me too. He brought me in, took me under to cover my nakedness. This He did for me. He took his righteousness and covered my nakedness as I had no means or method or way of doing this myself. Revelations 3:17 talks of a people who didn’t even know that they would naked, wretched, poor, but when He came by and looked at us He knew and He also knew that we had no means of covering ourselves so He did this for us. For me.. for you! The act of justification and redemption in one beautiful act. Garments were often used as coverlets, and the act described was therefore, as in Ruth 3:9 the received symbol of a completed marriage. Through this act; He became mine and I became His.

Then He swore unto us, entered into an agreement with us. Now who better to enter into an agreement then with the God who’s words are settled in the heavens, who changes not, and is not a man that He should lie, nor the son of man that he should repent. He makes a long standing agreement with us – enters into a marriage with us, making it clear that we are His.

And Thou Becamest Mine… this hit home with me! Personally I have always struggled with belonging – not feeling that I really belong to someone can be quite troublesome when it comes to relationships, self confidence, self esteem. You hear of teens at various stages of their lives going to “find themselves”.. assuming because they just don’t feel they belong anywhere. But this statement got to the core of me.

After passing by me, after looking at me, after calling my time of love, covering me with his own righteousness, taking me in, making a vow and agreement with me I have now become HIS!

ADOPTION PROCESS COMPLETED 

Beautiful right… Thou becamest mine! say it out loud…. let it digest!

Thou Becamest MINE! 

 

 

 

Frontline Service

In the last two month my church lost two of the original founders of our organisation. The church has been going for 50 yrs and these are the first of the pillars to be laid to rest. One a mother and one a father to the church. One a sure Deborah of her time.. full of the word WITH fire.. the other a Jeremiah of his time.. he didnt need a mic or a conference to preach sinners to repentance, often found on the high roads and town centres preaching the gospel.

I was asked to write my thoughts for a project and this is what I came up with. It fell in line nicely to tribute my Mother Flowers and Elder Clarke

What does it mean to be on the Front Line.
It’s a position our elders held for Some Time.
They took it serious it was not just for the Sunshine.
This was a call in to fight Big Time.

Their stories started often in the Night-Time. Singing songs like when His wounded hands Touched Mine.
When they were converted and took on His Bloodline.
Making Jesus Christ their Saviour took No Time.

Sin became a Past Time and automatically it was Crunch Time
This was No Time for the Sometime but High Time to fall In Line.

Being on the Front Line wasn’t always Fun TIme. But the reward of the righteous was looking Sublime
Singing songs like Jesus is on the Mainline Comforted by the fact that their God was always On Time

The lives of our forefathers that Brush Mine, taught me the importance of staying In Line Praying always and developing my relationship Over Time
Because the crown of Glory surely won’t go to the Unsigned
And between heaven and hell – just a Thin Line.

So to the young and the Old who remain on the Front Line
You stand fast and remain Online
Don’t be afraid it’s gonna be a Tough Time
But know your reward was settled in Heavens way Before Time

 

Longing for Belonging

So, I’m going to let you into a little secret… most of us just want to belong.

Sound very simple right? – but for many of us (I say us, as this rings true for me too) we just want to belong. We long to be told that we belong to someone or that someone has made us their choice.. If its not true for you it surly has been true for me at sometime or the other.

I grew up without my dad, and its only in my late 20’s that I realised how much of an impact that has had on me. I recall being at the alter on evening after service. I went up because I was feeling somewhat lost – out of place, of no particular use the list went on.. and I went up to talk to my God. I being prayed for, and a pastor said to me, with all the love in their heart and the best of intentions I’m sure “Just talk to God like your father”. At the time it didn’t really impact me and I didn’t take much from it. I remember going home and sitting, pondering that statement and I thought to myself – Preacher man.. Sir….. I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT THAT MEANS!

Its strange that growing up in the Faith, talking about God being a father and rehearsing the qualities of a father, running off the Lord Prayer with MUCH strength – “Our Father – who art in heaven….” But this father – daughter relationship was an alien one to me.

My understanding of a father was not a very healthy one. To me it was a man who chose not to be a father to me when I was of the understanding that once you had a child – love, affection, time , attention, due care, provision and value to that helpless life was of no option or choice. But I was wrong. He’s very much alive, but absent, missing, AWOL – other than guest appearances.. almost like a guest act on a show where these long lost stars turn up out of the wood works and retirement homes to sing two songs they can remember, dancing as much as the knees will allow, to songs only those in the audience over the age of 50 can sing along to… I digress, but you get the point. My comprehension of this “Father” person was a little distorted to say the least. It has taken and is taking much work and prayer to work my way through this area of my life but I can say that God has been SO merciful – something I am learning to be a quality of a good father – that He is helping me to understand what a) a father is and b) how AMAZING He is at being one!

A scripture that often brings tears to my eyes and a brokenness to my heart – especially when feeling like I just don’t belong is from Isaiah 43:1 (NLT):

But now, O Jacob, listen to the Lord who created you.
    O Israel, the one who formed you says,
“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.
    I have called you by name; you are mine;

Just the last clause ” You Are Mine”.

Just imagine – that the King of Glory, Creator of Heaven and Earth, Author and Finisher of our faith, Lion of the Tribe of Judah, The great God HIMSELF.. The sovereign King and God who reigns immortal, invisible, the only wise God our saviour has said of His own free will – that YOU… Yes you are HIS!

Never mind all those that have come in and out of your life. Never mind all those that you expected to stay but didn’t. Never mind those that never saw the quality and richness of your being and passed you off for any and anything. Never mind the job you didn’t get or the part you didn’t get. Agreed that many of these moments of being let down and expectations not being met leave us feeling one way or another – often times somewhere along the lines of useless and unwanted with a dash of abandoned – but just look at what God has said… YOU ARE MINE!

Often time all I want is for someone to make the choice and call me theirs – She.. that one over there.. She’s MINE… Remember when Adam first saw Eve.. look at what he said (Gen 2:23):

And Adam said, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man

He took one look at her and said – YOU ARE MINE. He’d been naming animals for God knows how long, but this one! This one was his, and he made no mistake about making her now this, and naming her after him.. making it reeeeall clear that you.. miss lady person you! – YOU ARE MINE!

Well – God has done the same. Time and time again in His word he reminds us that we are indeed chosen, hand picked, selected, His desired habitation…

God says to you my Sister Daily that YOU ARE MINE!

Touching Jesus is all that really matters

So its Sunday afternoon. Considered not posting on a Sunday – even God took a day to rest right.. well I ain’t God so lets do this! LOL

My thoughts today are taken from a very well known scripture about the woman with the issue of blood. Those of us who have been born and raised in the church would have hear many a preacher tell us about this woman. For those who don’t know I will run you through it real quick Mathew 9:

Once again Jesus is on his way somewhere – always on the move right! He was just talking with the Pharisees about why he was sat eating meat with publicans and sinners, making it clear to them that He was not call for the righteous, but the sinners. As the conversation continued He was interrupted by a ruler who worshipped him telling Him that his daughter was dead and that Jesus should come and lay his hand on her that she would live. Jesus got up (as did his disciples) and followed the ruler.

Here we find the woman with the issue of blood. Matthew 9:20-22. We never know her name, but her story is one that echoes for time. She had been suffering with an issue of blood for 12 loooooooong years. Luke’s version of the events (Luke 8:42) lets us know that no only was she sick, but she had spent all she had on physicians and could not be healed. Likely this woman was tired, frustrated, irritated, lost and now broke…But here comes Jesus.

Matthew lets us know that this woman had a conversation with herself. Likely she knew the power of Jesus. Likely she had heard of the miracles that he had done. Dead raised, blind receiving their sight, deaf receiving their hearing. This man was a walking fountain of deliverance. She decided that she was going to get to him. One way or another this opportunity was not about to pass her by and she be left in the same condition. She said to herself:

“If I can but touch the hem of his garment – I shall be made whole”

I’d like to present this to you… that touching Jesus – is all that really matters. There were so many conversations she could have had with herself. She had been in this situation for 12 years. Likely she had been seen by many, offered advice and support and potential remedies. Often times we get into situations and it seems like everyone has something to say, something to suggest, something they think we should or could do to help us. Sometimes they work, and sadly, sometimes they don’t.

I don’t know about you, but I sometimes get into these head spaces where its just a mess of thoughts, feelings, emotions, thoughts… I said that one already.. well sometimes that’s how it is. There just seems to be more thoughts than sense and none of them are of any help to the current situation. There here comes someone with some “advice”… and its of no benefit. I’ve even spent money trying to get help from those qualified to do so, that too to no effect. But I will say it again – touching Jesus – is all that really matters!

How do we touch Jesus..In the midst of worship, you come to a place where you stand face to face, heart to heart, your spirit lifted to His Spirit. It’s in this place that you can really touch Jesus. It’s in His presence that you are able to expose all that really hurts, all that your really feeling, all those thoughts and the chaos that often times consumes our mind. It’s at this point that you can stand bare before your creator and touch Him.

It was said that when she touched His garment (not even His actual body) that her problem immediately stopped. This is the speed in which your situation can be turned around. One that she was suffering with for 12 years, was done with immediately!

Read the word of God and examine just how powerful He is.. then consider your current situation in relation to this awesome God we serve. The two are not comparable – I promise you that.

Try, Try, Try Try Jesus. And if you’ve tried everything, and everything has failed – try Jesus.

Transition – Trust the process

Transition: the PROCESS of moving from one state to another.

We have many Biblical examples of people who have moved from one state to another. Abram To Abraham. Sari To Sarah. Jacob To Israel. Saul to Paul.. the list goes on..

A common theme with all is that they all had to go through SOME kind of process. For Abraham and Sarah it was a test of faith and patients. They didn’t get it right the first time either, trying hurry things along via their own methods (common for us to think God needs our help right…!!). Despite this, God had not finished with them yet and they were still able to fulfil the plan God had for them. For Jacob To Israel it was a physical wrestle that took place when he was alone that left him physically and spiritually changed for life.. And poor Saul was blinded for a whole 3 days just to turn his life around completely. However, in the end he turned into an author of many of the books we live and breath by in the bible.

Many of  us bear the WAR wounds of transitioning from one walk to another. I know I do! And some of you are currently in the process of a transition – asking questions like “Lord, How long?” Transition can often be a long and painful time that will leave us different forever.

The key for a successful transition is a) trusting the process and b) sticking to the plan.

We have been predestined:

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. (29) For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren” (Romans 8: 28+29 KJV).

Here we are given an understanding of what the process is all about. That one day we will be changed from mortal to immortality. Just as Jesus was transformed so will we be, IF we endure the process.

We are also comforted and reminded that ALL things work together for GOOD. But here are the T&C (terms and conditions). We have got to Love God and be Called by God. If these two things are in place you can be assured that irrespective of the nature of the process, all things will work for your good.

There is an expected end:

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord , thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. (Jeremiah 29:11 KJV).

In Hebrews 12:2 Jesus is declared to be the author and finisher of our faith. Isaiah 46:10 (NLT) via the prophet Isaiah God makes known this: “Only I can tell you the future before it even happens. Everything I plan will come to pass, for I do whatever I wish”

Each and every one of us have an expected end, a plan of which God Himself has drawn out in and before time. Before the foundations of the world, before the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters. Before He said Let there be and there was – your entire life and more importantly your end was known by God. Provision was made for every area of your life to ensure you get to the end He has seen for you. (Now let that digest)

Honestly, I can’t and won’t even pretend to tell you that it will be a bed of roses and everything is going to be like a walk in the park with the cool breeze blowing in your hair, with the sun shining down on you… Nope.. I would be a liar, a bad one at that. However I can assure you that someone knows your end from your beginning. I can tell you that your heavenly father has seen every transition that you must go through and has already made provision to support you through it. I can remind you of the fact that God has promised to never leave or forsake you. Don’t believe me.. ask Job.

My Sisters Daily… be comforted in the facts which can be found in the word of God. These words have been written and processed for you to read – digest and apply, that you will be able to pass through your transitions and make it out alright – war wounds and all.

Trust God… He knows whats He’s doing.. !